So you think you’ve found The One

Romance. We all want it but do we understand what romance is to God? I am not going into that here, but you can read more about it in a previous post I wrote. Today’s question is:

How do you know if you think you’ve found The One?

Do you think you've found the one?

Romantic feelings are not always the best judge to answer this question. It is DEFINITELY a factor, but it isn’t the ONLY factor. I have had romantic feelings for several guys in my lifetime.

  • My first “love” was Kenny Jackson and he swept me off my feet with his freckles and flaming red hair and they way he helped me up onto a stool at the corner drug store when he bought a 5¢ Coke with 2 straws for us to split. We were both 5 years old and I was devastated when they moved.
  • My next “love” was also named Kenny but I was in high school and he was may very first real boyfriend. Oh I was ga-ga over him! But I didn’t always act the best and I made some really stupid mistakes. Eventually he broke up with me when he went off to college and my heart broke along with the ending of our romance.
  • Then I fell for Bruce. We dated for 2 years and had great times together. He was easy to get along with, charming, funny and it was a delightful love. But I got saved and things sort of fizzled with Bruce as the Lord and His will became the center of my heart.
  • Next I fell head-over-heels for Richie. He loved the Lord and he was handsome, quirky, hilarious (and he found ME funny) and a great spiritual friend. The trouble was, he was only interested in friendship. I moved away and our friendship faded into a memory.

Years went by and I began to mature (FINALLY). And then I began to fall in love with Kevin. We weren’t dating, we were barely talking, but I was watching him and observing who he was. I saw how he treated the women in the church with respect and honor. I saw the way he learned from the men in the church. I saw the care and compassion he had for the young men, and the respect they had for him. I saw his care and protection toward the young women in the church and the free easy way he played with the children. I saw his heart for the Lord, his willingness to serve in ministry, his humility when reproved and his teachable spirit.

When we finally started courting I realized one very important thing:


He was The One.

Now, how in the world did I know that? On the romance scale, all of the love I felt for all those other guys (and they were all on a similar plane) – added all together, was just an empty shadow of the depth of the love I felt for Kevin. But there were other factors that came into play that really convinced me that He was the one God had for me. On those points we were completely compatible and have grown together in them over the years.

So here are some questions to ask:

  • Do I become a better person because of his being in my life?
  • Does he build me up to seek the Lord AHEAD of seeking himself?
  • Is my ministry enhanced because of the way he builds into my life with his strengths and gifts?
  • Does he value me for who I am, not for who he thinks he could change me into?
  • Does he make me feel respected, protected and honored?
  • Do I feel like he knows me better than anyone else and loves me all the more?
  • Do those closest to me rejoice with me or do they see red flags?
  • Does he make me happy?
  • Do we place Jesus at the center of our relationship?
  • Is our relationship built on a strong spiritual footing (daily prayer together and time in the Word together)?
  • Do we share the same core values, passions and desires?
  • Are our doctrines compatible? (not in every particular, but in the fundamental ones of our faith and Christian living)
  • What compromises will I have to make in my life of my lifelong dreams or the passions of my heart? Am I willing to give those up forever WITHOUT resentment or regret?

Do you think you’ve found the one? Let the Lord search deeply through these questions and bring you light, wisdom and discernment. Be blessed in His love and never settle for good, when God has THE BEST for your life!

Please be sure and look at my 6-part series: Before You Say I Do.


Linking to any number of these lovely blogs:
(Image courtesy of antpkr/


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    • Thanks Crystal! I wish most young women realized that the time to explore these questions is BEFORE they say, “I Do!”

      So glad you stopped by!

  1. good post

  2. I haven’t been to your blog more than a couple times I think. I really like it and your sweet spirit. These are such good things for a women to consider before getting married.

    Thank you for sharing them with other women and sharing them over at WholeHearted Home this week.

    I didn’t realize you had a linkup party. Thanks for hosting it. I tried to leave a comment on that post. Don’t know if it will let me post this comment. We will see.

  3. This is such a good message! And those are some excellent questions to ask before proceeding. What a blessing you are as you minister! Thanks so much for linking up with me last week!


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