What I learned from Desperate


I hope by now you have bought your copy of Desperate. If you haven’t then head on over to buy the book AND begin to jump in on the fun of the giveaways, gifts and online support and encouragement.

I wanted to share something that smacked me upside the head when I was reading this book.

I’m on the other side of Desperate in my life now…my youngest is 11 and 4 of my children are now adults. I’m in a very different place. Yes, I can vividly remember those sleepless nights when I had to tie a baby to me with my bathrobe for fear of dropping her while I tried to burp her, I was so tired. I remember not speaking to an adult for days – my husband was in grad school and he’d come home between 1-2 am and leave to get back to school by 7 am. I remember having to take 5, 6, 7 children everywhere I went. I had no family nearby. We lived in a college town and there were very few married couples in my church and no truly older woman.

But I come from a time and family that just DEALT with hard situations. You didn’t ask for help,  you just did what you had to do. Today we say we “sucked it up.”

I was reading page 20 of Desperate (I’ll let you run and get your copy to follow along…) and felt a THUD in my chest and then the tears started to trickle and then BURST forth! I’m not a sobber, but I was sobbing!

Sally was telling of visiting a friend and how her friend had prepared a tray with a lit candle, pot of tea, muffins and vase with flowers, and a note that said she was praying for her and other sweet encouragement. She wrote the following that absolutely echoed my heart:

Unexpectedly, the tears began flowing down my face. I was so used to toughing it out and taking care of all of our family’s needs and losing sleep and caring for the kids alone that I didn’t even know how much I needed a real live friend who could communicate to me that I was not invisible, and show me thoughtfulness that comes from a heart moved by the  Spirit of God. Even just the thought that someone else had been considerate of me and prepared my breakfast touched a very deep vulnerable place in my heart that I had not even recognized as a need.


My breath catches in my chest even now as I type this.

I have never had this. Please know I LOVE MY LIFE. I have no regrets or latent frustrations or hostility. I do not begrudge the years of service and ministry to my husband or the mentoring I’ve done (and still do) to young mothers. I’ve had a couple of times of young friends taking me out for a “kidnapping” date. Even the year when I had an older mentor in North Dakota – she taught me, she corrected me, she trained me. But it wasn’t a time where I was completely pampered and prayed over and had my needs met.

This was all just one more confirmation to me that the heart and passion God placed on my heart 33 years ago (back when my hair fell out) of His plan for older women to come alongside the younger women and gently lead them (train and correct too) and be a HELP was EXACTLY RIGHT!

If you are an older woman, are YOU pouring your life into a young mom?Are YOU thinking about the needs you had to be mothered? Are YOU coming alongside and giving her help in her times of feeling Desperate?

If not…I think it’s time you did!


Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, The Welcoming House, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R

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  1. Hi Kate! Just LOVE your post today. My prayers are going up for you today–I thank God every time I remember you! You captured those moments of feeling like “the whole world needs care and I have to provide it!” I am the oldest daughter of eleven children in our blended family. I take care of my 95-year old mother-in-law, and a super husband, and am parent two grown children, their spouses and grandparent to four grandchildren. I love every person the Lord has given me. There are days, however, when I wish someone would take care of me for a change. Then, I realize very humbly, that my Heavenly Father has always taken care of me, loved me, guided me and provided what ever I’ve needed, sometimes miraculously! My prayer for you is that you get that much-needed TLC soon, that God sends someone across your path to minister to you just when you really need it! Thanks for expressing things so beautifully. God Bless!

    • Thanks so much, Lonnie. Through all these years of not having a Momma coming alongside of me, God met every need and was definitely more than enough. But I don’t think that was how He intended for His church to function. And I want to make sure that I am walking in the purpose He has set forth for me to support and encourage and help younger moms! It makes the Body of Christ stronger when we do it His way, that’s for sure!!

      Blessings to you, sweet friend!

  2. I walked through most of our children’s growing up years alone as well. I’ve done a lot of mentoring and coming along side others, but I know that breath-catching feeling. It’s so important for young moms! Thanks for linking up today with What’s Up cafe! Blessings on your day!

    • Thanks, Katharine. I love hearing older gals like me who have a love for younger moms and are willing to be that mentor.

  3. I am wondering if this book is encouraging for mid-life moms too, or just moms with young children. I have 3 adult children and one 17 year old. Dealing with adult children can be just as exhausting – maybe not so much physically, but emotionally and spiritually as we watch them make lifechanging decisions.

    • Brenda, I found it very encouraging. While I didn’t necessarily hear anything “new”, it was filled with hope and help for women to reach out to women, either to help or for help. I think you might find it encouraging.

  4. Awww, Kate. If I lived nearby you I most definitely would do something to pamper you! Clean your house, make you breakfast, take you to lunch. Thanks for the reminder though to look around me and see who possibly I can reach out to encourage. Love you, friend!

    • Terri, you are a darling. How about we pamper one another??? That sounds like a plan to me! 😉 Love you, sweetie!

    • Amen, Jacqueline, amen! Love and hugs.

  5. Kate – love your post! Want to adopt me? Would love your mentoring words any time (I have 2 under 3) – http://happyandblessedhome.com. The only family I have in town is on my husband’s side and she pretty much told me (via someone else in our family) that no one helped her (so why should I expect anything). I would have the completely opposite attitude if I were in her shoes, but I am not in her shoes. But God IS with me and he is helping me and I’m trying to cultivate mommy friends to help me & I’m trying to use my blog as a way of building community (it robs me of some sleep but I think it’s worth it). God bless you for pouring into your family’s lives. God sees you and he hears your mommy heart!

    May you find rest and refreshment In Him this week!
    In His Grip,

    • Monica…absolutely I’ll adopt you!! I’m so sorry that there is no family nearby to be a source of encouragement and help! God DOES meet our needs, but He also gives us the Body of Christ so that we can have support from someone ‘with skin on’! Feel free to e-mail me ANYTIME with questions, to pray or just to chat! kate@teachingwhatisgood.com

      Blessings to you, dear!

  6. Thank you for linking up with Mentoring Monday’s at More to Be! I am thrilled you see the need to step in as a mentor, even if it wasn’t part of your experience years ago. You are not alone. There are so many of us in that boat and so we do need a movement of women ready to make a change today!

  7. Kate, first time on your blog and I loved this post! I, too, am passionate about Titus 2 mentoring because I was so lost and alone when my kids were little. Glad to have “met” you!


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