Tears Behind Those Eyes

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The changes that God brings in our (female) lives all along the way can sometimes be challenging (thank you very much, Eve!) but the challenge I didn’t expect to bother me most would be the emotional valleys and mountains. Those who know me well know that I am a pretty flat line stable person emotionally. I don’t get depressed, seldom have ups and downs…I am pretty much always the same.

creative commons license: flickr – Megyarsh

These times of hormonal imbalances leave me often feeling like I always have tears behind my eyes that could boil over at the slightest provocation (or at no provocation at all). I find this very disconcerting. I like to know that if I’m sad, there is a REAL reason for it! I like to know that if I’m so delightedly happy that it overflows into tears, that it is REALLY true and not just something sweet that sends me blubbering (getting laughed at by husband and children alike).

I thought the Brain Cloud was bad (and it IS) but at least that I can deal with (mostly because I don’t remember it anyway!! ). I feel like I’m a teenager again, when I was sitting by the phone in tears that the boy I’m crazy about didn’t call!!! The emotional instability is a real challenge to keep in control so that I can walk faithfully with the Lord and not become a raving lunatic with my family.

  • the times I’ve had to bite my tongue when something nasty was ready to fly out of my mouth
  • the tears of hurt that I blink back so my husband doesn’t think he’s really hurt me with something he said or did when it has NOTHING to do with him
  • the misunderstandings in conversations make me feel like I should just crawl under a rock until “this too has passed”

This constant struggle for emotional control is very exhausting!!!

These changes in our lives give new meaning to dying to self and not walking according to the flesh. I am learning more every day about the practical trials of walking faithfully with God. And it is revealing a new vulnerability in my heart. We get to a place in our lives where we think,

“I’ve Arrived. I know what I’m doing in walking with Jesus. No Sweat!”

But then God throws us a curve ball to remind us of the FAITH and TRUST He calls us to in our lives. And that faith and trust is in HIM and not in what we’ve learned or can accomplish. It is more and more, for me, a test of walking faithfully with God’s power and Him living out through my life.

I am learning great things (very humbling things) about Paul’s comment where he said when he was weak then he was strong. I am finding the weakness of my emotions and my mind push me to more deeply find my strength in God – that any strength I used to possess has fled with my child bearing years and now I must rest, just like a young child, in His power and His abilities.

It’s not a BAD place to be, but it IS a humbling and vulnerable place to be. Especially since those around me remember who I was a few years ago – my abilities and strengths – and sometimes don’t understand and often forget the shortcomings I now live out daily. I am also trusting that their love for me is stronger than the foibles of my imbalances and failures.

I sure am seeing bigger things about God in my life. Now, if only I could REMEMBER them!!!


Blogs I might be linking to:
Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Raising Homemakers, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, Raising Mighty  Arrows Thursdays, Thought Provoking Thursday, First Day of My Life Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Home Focused Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday

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4 Comments

  1. Oh my, “the change” as my grandmother use to call it. Mine came a little early due to a hysterectomy. I use to jokingly call the hysterical-ectomy! I am not like you normally. I’m a gal with my feelings out there for all to see but as I gotten older I’ve learned to contain them but often when praising the Lord it all comes pouring out.

    The Lord wants us to come to Him like a child and most children have their emotions out there – for all to see – and we adults tend to train them to curb them, hold them in.

    Sometimes it’s just confusing – like “the change”. Regardless, God is always teaching us and that is what is most important. Your post is very thought provoking to be sure.

    Have a blessed day!

    Reply
  2. Some thing I plan to take up with God is about the wisdom or lack of it, in scheduling perimenopause to coincide with puberty in our children. Not a pretty combination.

    I’m sorry Kate. I’m fully aware of the impact that hormones have on our lives. And just the seasons of life…the year my son was 17, I was a basket case. Constantly looking at him through tears. augh. It’s better now, but the last week before his wedding and then Mother’s day 2 weeks later. whew. I’m sure it will hit again when and if they tell me they’re having a baby. I will just wail. And I have NO hormones now to blame it on. (Which no hormones is equally bad for other physical reasons)

    Reply
  3. Tina…I feel I am becoming your biggest fan…or cyber stalker 0_0…you crack me up!
    Those emotions wreak havoc at times. Some days I simply have to tell the hubby that I am simply having a hormone day…kind of like a sick day…and then I apologize in advance for anything I might say/do with a snippy attitude :0(. He understands completely…then takes cover! Back in Feb I had my second ovary removed which threw me into medically induced menopause. I read several articles that warned THIS could get ugly. I had to stop reading them because they freaked me out=0I. I found I was anticipating all the horrors I read about! Truth is, it is different for every woman. So far, I have had weepy moments, and sporadic moments of anxiousness (i.e. yelling for 2 minutes over NOTHING!), but NOTHING like I anticipated. The worst are the hot flashes and what I call “menofog”. I forget what I am talking about…MID SENTENCE 0_o. It does make for some interesting conversations and the kids like piecing together what I said to make sense of it at times :0). I have read that soy helps a lot with the symptoms. Estrasoy is the name brand product. It has not made it to my shopping list just yet :0).
    Hope you have a non hormonal day :0).

    Reply
  4. Oh friend, I truly understand! I went through (and still do, to some degree!) this imbalance at a very young age with babes in tow. I had ovarian cysts rupturing monthly for 5 years which means my hormones were whacked out to say the least. It’s a humbling experience. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    Reply

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