This is a very important question and one that most of us have had to deal with at least once in our marriages.
The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes. (Pro 21:1)
This verse has been a great comfort to me. I have been very blessed to have a wonderful Godly husband who has no desire to lord it over me. He works ceaselessly to build our unity in every area of our lives. But he is a human and is quite capable of error. I know that in submitting to my fallible husband, the Lord is the Ultimate Authority in his life. Kevin seeks God’s best and God’s wisdom and I have great confidence in knowing that God has Kevin’s heart in the palm of His hand and, just as God can direct a river by putting a boulder here or digging a trench there, He can change and direct Kevin’s heart according to His will. It is so freeing and encouraging to know that God is the One who leads and directs our husbands, whether they know it or not!
There is always the possibility that what I think is a bad choice can actually, in the end, turn out to be the best thing for our family in the long run. Sometimes God is actually guiding my husband’s choices but He doesn’t choose to clue ME in! This is why learning to submit is very important. Or God might be using this situation to train my husband, and discipline for bad choices might be part of the program. I need to learn to trust GOD for all of it, no matter how bad things might look to me.
So, if I have given all my counsel and scriptures and my husband still chooses to make a final decision that I feel is very unwise or downright foolish, my response should be a heart of trust in God’s protection but submission nonetheless. I take my concerns to the Lord and choose to trust that He CAN work His will in our family – even if my husband doesn’t change his decision. Sometimes it is hard for us to realize that God actually CAN work through bad decisions that we make. It may be a different path than He originally chose for us, but as we (wives) surrender our hearts and will to God, He is able to use this new path for His glory and our instruction and training in righteousness.
(Now, I want to put in the disclaimer that I am NOT talking about situations that are endangering the children or me or where I am being forced to agree to do something illegal. I must always obey the commands of God first and foremost. But it is a rare situation where a husband is asking his wife to violate clear scriptural commands or is endangering their lives.)