Preparing for a no-divorce marriage

Are you single and come from a family background riddled with divorce?
Are you feeling stressed wondering how you can change that pattern in your own life?
Are you wondering how you can change that outlook for your own future marriage?

GREAT! I’m so excited that you are looking NOW to prepare for a right perspective in marriage!

The thing that I LOVE about God (well, one of the many things) is that when He re-creates us at salvation, He makes us FREE from the “norm” we’ve always known. It doesn’t matter if you came from a broken home or had divorce as normal throughout your family…God breaks those chains and sets you free!

The place to start is in His Word. What kind of woman is HE calling YOU to be?

  • a woman of faithfulness – Psalm 101:6
  • a woman of perseverance – Romans 15:5
  • a woman of discernment – Psalms 119:66
  • a woman of patience –  Colossians 3:12
  • a woman of kindness – Proverbs 3:3
  • a woman of humility – Ephesians 4:2
  • a woman of gentleness – 1 Timothy 6:11
  • a woman of holiness – Ephesians 1:4
  • a woman of motivation – Hebrews 10:24
  • a woman of compassion – Matthew 9:13
  • a woman of wisdom – Psalm 51:6

God is calling you to BECOME a woman who will view marriage as the lifelong covenant God planned it to be.

You will find that choosing a husband must be more centered on GOD’S will and GOD’S best for your life, rather than for the gratification of having a husband. This is so very important. Do not jump into marriage foolishly, hastily and against godly counsel. Do NOT choose a man who, like King Saul, looks “good” on the outside, but inside is not fully devoted and surrendered to God! Watch him. What is his character like when he doesn’t know he’s being watched? How does he act/react to:

  • single gals in the church – is he a protective brother or a flirt or bully
  • married women in the church – is he respectful and honoring to them as sisters
  • single guys in the church – is he encouraging them to walk a life of surrender and godly obedience or does he revel in questionable jokes and actions
  • married guys in the church – is he respectful and humble, seeking to learn rather than showing off what he knows
  • leaders in the church – is he submissive yet able to hold the truth of God’s word above all else, yet with a heart of humility – knowing he has much to learn
  • children in the church – is he a loving big brother who enjoys their company, realizing that even from the mouths of babes, the wisdom of God can flow

Once you are married, remember that your life is one of surrender TO GOD. He will call you to sacrifice, lay down  your own plans and desires and sacrifice. Marriage is NOT a 50-50 proposition. You are called to give 100%, no matter what  your husband gives. The world tells us this is not “fair”, well, it might not be – but there is nothing in scripture that talks about this kind of fairness. God calls us to lay down our lives for the sake of others – and that includes our husbands! That means that if I never get what I want, I can still trust GOD to meet all of my needs!

courtesy of photobucket: Karnamrita

Of course, in all of this, God will be working with my husband as well; teaching HIM to be a godly and sacrificial husband. And I must always be praying for God’s best in my husband’s life. But that is very different from praying my husband will be WHO I WANT HIM TO BE!

Work on communication (there are lots of good books on that, but it all comes down to being willing to give up “being right” in order to be righteous!) I heard very early in my marriage “any couple who thinks they’ve arrived in the area of communication has just declared death on their marriage.” He meant that we must ALWAYS CONTINUE to work on growing in communication!! Some other resources on communication are: here and here.

You single gals, how are you preparing NOW for a no-divorce marriage? What character qualities are you allowing the Holy Spirit to work into your life so you will be a woman of honor and fortitude?

Have sons? Read the boys version of Preparing for a no-divorce marriage.

Linking to:
Marital Oneness, Encourage One Another, Wifey Wednesday, Winsome Wednesday, Women Living Well Wednesdays, Hearts 4 Home, Big Family Fridays

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  1. Great Write up!!!!

    • Thanks so much, Connie!

  2. Love this! I used to pray, Lord change him, but guess who He started changing instead? 🙂

    • Alecia, isn’t that how He often does it? But I’m glad (in the long run ;D) that He starts the change with us! Thanks for stopping by.

  3. Excellent post, Kate! So glad you linked up with The Alabaster Jar.

    • Thanks, Jolene. Have a great day.

  4. Wow! Fabulous post! We just talked about many of these things in our ladies class at church last night! I will share this post with the ladies from church! Thanks so much for linking up with my Marriage Monday series!!!

    • Thanks for your sweet comment, Elizabeth. How exciting that your church is talking about these things, so many don’t. Glad to like up with you!

  5. Love it, Kate!!! My older girls have read it. Any chance we can get the “Guy” version??

    • Kim, that is a great idea! I’ll pray about it and talk to Kevin about it.


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