Post-from-the-past Friday: Where we went wrong

This is a re-vamped post from January 2006

When I was first saved I was privileged to be in a wonderful church of disciplers. I was trained in the basics of the Christian faith:

  • how to study the Word of God
  • how to share my faith
  • how to disciple others
  • how to persevere in prayer
  • how to live a life of faith

What I DIDN’T learn was practically how to look at my life as a woman with joy and acceptance.

Most of it was my own sin that God hadn’t touched on yet, but part of it was an independent spirit that was all around me.

By Joseph Karl Stieler (Internet) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Gen 2:18

The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Gen 2:22-23

Have you ever met women who tend to see their husbands as THEIR helpmates, rather than the other way around.

Or they act as if they are helpmates to their CHILDREN, meeting all of their needs and placing their children first and foremost in their lives, but they’ve lost track of their roles as wives. This has led to a great build up of frustration and resentment in their hearts which tends to focus on the husband. This resentment and frustration is often a result of a misunderstanding of our roles and purpose.

We were CREATED to be helpers to our husbands. Want to hear something really cool? We are created as helpmates in the same way that the Holy Spirit is called the Parakletos. This word is translated:

comforter, helper, counselor, advocate. It means ‘to come along side’ or literally ‘called to one’s side’.

The word used to describe the wife as the helpmate is used in only two ways in scripture: of the wife and of the Lord!! This puts our role as helpmate to our husbands in a much more powerful light. Our job of being a help, support, comfort, counsel for our husbands is in reality a very high and honorable calling.

A real and deep understanding of this truth can cause a complete change of our views. We now see that all we do (including raising our children for God’s glory) is part of ministering to our husbands. Our goals and vision for our family should be our HUSBANDS’ goals and vision (of course with our input as well); we should be like ducks-in-a-row lined up behind our husbands (metaphorically speaking), following the way he leads and having our family be a visible expression of his heart and purpose before the Lord.

Of course this raises all sorts of questions:

  • why do I have to be the slave?
  • when do I get what I want?
  • how come I don’t get any voice?
  • how do I get my needs met?
  • what about when I’m burning out and need a break?
  • how am I supposed to get it all done?

The key element in all these questions is “I”. But the longer I walk with the Lord the more my heart cries out like John the Baptist “He must increase, I must decrease.”

My life has been bought by Christ by the weightiest cost – His precious life. He owns me now, He controls what I do, how I serve, whom I serve and my very purpose in existing. My life is poured out as a drink offering before the throne of grace. And if He has chosen to use my life in ministry to my husband, considering his needs as more important than my own, then I am honored and blessed to be able to glorify Him – knowing that service to my husband is service to my Lord.

And I know that in doing so, God Himself will meet every need I have (and many that I don’t even know that I have!)…sometimes through my husband or children and sometimes in ways I can’t even begin to imagine. The point is, when we do things HIS way, we NEVER lose out!! He can even choose to exalt us with earthly glory if that is His best for us.

So, learning to raise our children for the Lord is just the beginning of the journey He has for us. Now He wants to restore to us the joy in our creation that was lost at the fall but was redeemed at the cross. We just haven’t completely learned how to walk in that redemption. The first step in learning to honor our husbands in our actions is to understand how to honor them in our hearts by embracing our roles as ministers/servants in our homes to our husbands.

It IS a joyful journey of freedom!

Linking to:
The Better Mom, Multitudes On Monday, Sharing In His Beauty, Monday Musings, Making Mondays Meaningful, Domestically Divine, Time Warp Wife, Gratituesday, Encouraging One Another, Women Living Well, Winsome Wednesday, Raising Homemakers, Wise Woman Builds Her House, Marital Oneness, Big Family Friday, Heart 4 Home, Finding Him Friday, Playdates At The Well, On Your Heart Tuesday, Soli Deo Gloria, Teach Me Tuesdays, Marriage Monday

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  1. Excellent post, Kate! Our marriages and our parenting should be all about the Lord and lifting Him up for all to see! Thanks for linking up with The Alabaster Jar!

    • Thanks, Jolene.

  2. “We should be like ducks-in-a-row lined up behind our husbands (metaphorically speaking), following the way he leads and having our family be a visible expression of his heart and purpose before the Lord.” You know what happens with ducklings? They grow up to be ducks. Maybe you want to remain a duckling forever, but you can’t remain one – unless you’re dead.

    My husband has children (ducklings). I am not one of them. You know what? It’s the Mama duck the little ducklings always follow behind, not Daddy. I’m like Mama duck.

    • Well now, Becca, my metaphor can’t be taken too far or it won’t work! 😉 But then, neither will any metaphor.

      Yep, the ducklings sure do grow up to be ducks. That’s the goal. But in the meantime, they learn how to submit and follow leadership as training on how to learn to submit and follow Jesus’ leadership!

      And you are absolutely right…I am a Mama duck. And I should be teaching my little ducklings to follow me as I follow my husband. Paul said, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.” 1 Cor 11:1. This is our example in headship in the home.


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