Preparing for a no-divorce marriage – part 2

A friend had asked me if I would write Preparing for a No-Divorce Marriage coming from the male side of things. And since many of us have sons that we are training and raising to be men of God, I thought it was about time I sat down and wrote it. My post for the girls can be found here.

no divorce marriage

Are you single and come from a family background riddled with divorce?
Are you feeling stressed wondering how you can change that pattern in your own life?
Are you wondering how you can change that outlook for your own future marriage?

One question you need to answer: Are you preparing to be the man of integrity that will draw a woman of God to your side for life?

Very often our culture does not challenge young men (or old men, for that matter) to be men of integrity:

  • men with strength of character – Gal 6:1-10
  • men who embrace responsibility – 1 Sam 30
  • men who persevere in all circumstances – James 1:2-4
  • men of humility – James 4:6
  • men with a servant heart – Matt 20:25-28
  • men who are honest – Col 3:9-10
  • men who love unconditionally – 1 Cor 13:1-7
  • men who sacrifice for others – Eph 5:1-2
  • men who work hard – Prov 6:6-11
  • men who take care of their own – 1 Tim 5:8
  • men who control their tempers – Prov 22:24
  • men who care for the powerless – Prov 31:8-9; James 1:~27
  • men who can be trusted – Luke 16:10
  • men willing to lead others – 1 Thess 2:9-12, Prov 31:23
  • men of the Word – Col 3:16; Ps 119
  • men of prayer – James 5:16; 1 Thes 5:16-18
  • men who disciple others – 2 Tim 2:2 Heb 10:23:24
  • men with gentleness – 1 Peter 3:7-8
  • men with compassion – Col 3:12
  • men willing to submit to authority – 1 Peter 5:6-7
  • men sold out to Jesus – Deut 6:5
  • men who are not controlled by their lusts – 1 Thess 4:3-8

As women come into your “radar”, you need to look beyond a pretty face or that charge of attraction. You don’t want to find that the woman by your side has no staying power or is not willing to take on the trials the Lord will bring into your lives (Prov 31:30). So, examine her life closely. What is she like with:

  • her family – is she respectful and loving or does she treat them with disdain?
  • single guys in the church – does she act like a sister or is she a flirt?
  • older women in the church – does she have/seek a mentor or disregard them?
  • younger women in the church – does she have good relationships based on a love for the Lord and care for others or does she act competitively, always wanting to come out on top?
  • leaders in the church – does she treat them with respect and deference or does she rebel against their spiritual authority?

Once you are married, remember that your life is one of surrender TO GOD. He will call you to sacrifice, lay down your own plans and desires for your wife’s best. Marriage is NOT a 50-50 proposition. You are called to give 100%, no matter what your wife gives. The world tells us this is not “fair”; well, it might not be – but there is nothing in scripture that talks about this kind of fairness. God calls men to live to a higher standard than what the world does. He calls you to live your life as Jesus did – in that He sacrificed ALL for the sake and love of His bride.

loving marriage(source)

It goes without saying that God will be working on your wife as well. There will be molding and transforming He’ll be doing in her life to make her a woman of God. Pray for the fulness of His grace to be poured out in her life. It is important to remember that she is NOT you! She will respond differently from you: think differently, react differently and have very different concerns.

This is a good thing!

For me, a major thing to remember in dealing with their wives is:

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7

She is not weaker as in being less equal before the Lord. But she is more tender and therefore should be treated with tenderness. You don’t have to understand her (you may find that is not that easy to do) BUT you live with her in an understanding way.

And above all: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE! Many books are written on it and I have 2 posts here and here.

Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, The Welcoming House, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R, Pieces of Amy

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

You May Also Like…

Jehovah – I AM WHO I AM

Jehovah – I AM WHO I AM

Jehovah - the Great I AM God introduced Himself to Moses back in Exodus 3:14 God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”; and...


  1. Kate…a fabulous post today. I was given two sons before our daughter and it was so important to me to raise men with integrity and love for the Lord. God has been so faithful to that desire of my heart. Love the verses you shared here, too. Great references. And yes…communication is huge in a marriage. Thank you for the encouragement sweet friend.

    • Thanks, Naomi. I wouldn’t have written this on had it not been for my friend Kim asking me. BUT this is also something I plan on giving to my girls’ future partners to examine their lives as well as for my girls to watch for AND for my sons to grow in.