Nagging vs. a godly appeal

There are times in our marriages when we just don’t agree. Times where we discuss something and cannot come to unity over it. How do we handle this?

Are we one of those nagging wives?

Do we nag or do we present a godly appeal to our husbands? Let’s look at the difference.


  • we keep bringing the same thing up again and again expecting our husbands to change
  • we manipulate our husbands, emotionally (crying or playing the martyr), physically (some women withhold sex), or psychologically (through piling on the guilt)
  • if our husbands seem to be unsure, we charge in and push and push until we wear them down and they capitulate, just to get us to shut up

Godly appeal:

  • we pray
  • we look to see if we were unclear or confused in our first discussion (particularly if we were emotionally charged) and we plan out a written (always better to have it clearly and orderly in writing) outline of our concerns or points of discussion
  • we research if there is any further information that we didn’t know about or present before
  • we ask if we can broach this subject again, with a humble spirit and a heart to bring unity – even if that unity will come through OUR changing out minds
  • we let them know that our heart and desire is to be submissive, but that we are absolutely working toward a united heart and mind on this subject

…the heart of nagging is for US to be in control

…the heart of a godly appeal is to submit to GOD’S control

We tend to think it is Us versus Our Husbands. But it really is Us versus God. When we nag, we push to get our own way. When we use a godly appeal, we leave the final working (both in our lives and our husbands’) up to God with a heart of humility and surrender.

So, examine your “discussions” with your husband today. Are you finding yourself more on the nagging side? How can you can change how you speak and dialogue with your husband to leave the control up to God?

courtesy of photobucket by: 4cylndrfury
Scripture quotations are taken from the NASB.
Unless otherwise indicated, photos from

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    • Thanks, Wendy…and thanks for visiting today!

    • Jennifer, I’m reminding MYSELF as much as anyone else!! 😉

    • Thanks Kristen! It wasn’t how I planned the blog post but that side-by-side idea was where I felt the Lord leading as I typed…I WILL say it was definitely more convicting than I had planned! :0

  1. Love this! It’s definitely something I struggle with in the concept of being a submissive wife and how exactly to bring my opinions (that are sometimes different than hubby’s) to him and when to let it go and submit to his leadership. Great thoughts about the subject.

    • Thanks, Crystal. Praying that this will be an encouragement to you on learning better ways to communicate with your husband…after all, we are all ways learning! ;-D

  2. oooh I really like this! I am one who writes it down, and I think that is great advice. For me, it helps me on those emotionally charged days, to sort things out a little bit and to say them in a more rational way 🙂

    Sometimes I tell myself, if you are not sure you are being rational here, just give it a night. If it is really important (or if he really IS the most horrible husband on the planet) you will remember to discuss it tomorrow.

    Usually, the next day brings a new perspective 🙂


    • Sorry this took so long to show up…I had a glitch in the system. Speaking rationally is a TREMENDOUS key to a godly appeal! Amen, and thanks for visiting!

  3. yes….I agree!! and it is not easy. but so worth the effort.

    • Thanks so much for coming by to visit and for your sweet comment.

  4. Great post, I do pray but my husband would say I nag:( gotta work on it. thanks for linking up to the NOBH

    • Anna-Marie, I don’t know why but I had some problems with comments on this post. Yours just showed up for me today. Maybe it would help if you asked your husband what SPECIFICALLY he thought was nagging from you. Specifics have helped my husband and I a great deal so I can learn what NOT to say, the things that push his buttons. Thanks for coming by!

  5. As always you give wonderful advice that I need to implement quickly in my household! But, on a humorous note, I have to wonder if my nagging would come across a bit better if I was as nicely put together as the lady in the picture above. Maybe my ponytail and sweatpants, no make-up look makes it seem more like nagging. 😉

    I love the way you presented the two options. I asked my husband just the other day, “What constitutes nagging?” When I ask him once and he forgets, I didn’t remind him. But if I ask several times, I’m nagging. He couldn’t define it, so I’m glad you did. I’ll be sharing this post with him and asking what he thinks. Hugs.

    • Tia…you CRACK ME UP!! Hoping this post will spark some great conversations with your husband.

  6. This is a fantastic post! Every wife needs to read and take notes. 🙂 Blessings to you!

    • Thanks so much, Kristen. Blessings right back at you!

  7. Thanks for linking up over at the – Frequent Flier Club. This is a great post and a wonderful reminder. Love it!

    • Thanks so much. I love your link-up!

  8. This is something that’s been on my heart lately… it’s not up to ME to try to change my husband’s mind about something–it’s about God to change it, and/or my mind as well. Thank you for this.

    • You are welcome, Jaimie. This is an encouragement we ALL need to hear occasionally.


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