Let’s get on the same page

Do you ever feel that you and your husband have drifted apart?


Creative Commons License photo credit: Juin Hoo

His job is hectic; maybe he works more than one job to make ends meet, maybe he’s struggling to find work after being unemployed, maybe he’s driving long distances or working long hours to keep the job he has. He comes home and drifts to the TV or computer or video game to relax, but he never seems to pull away from it.

  • Maybe you are dealing with raising the children.
  • Maybe you have numerous children or are homeschooling.
  • Maybe you only have 1 vehicle and feel cabin fever.
  • Maybe you seldom get to have adult conversation.
  • Maybe the only books you have time for are reading school books to teach the children.
  • Maybe you long for your husband to come home and you find yourself getting more and more critical of him while you are feeling more and more stressed at home alone.

Well, these are all VERY COMMON issues in marriages. None of them are insurmountable but the enemy wants nothing more than to use these as wedges to create division within our marriages and homes. Let’s not give him that power!

Now, I’m assuming that you have a husband who loves the Lord and loves you and really desires to make this marriage work. And I’m assuming that you are able to communicate with one another (although we ALL need to grow in doing this better).

It is often hard to start, to discuss that things are not so hunky-dory as either of you think they are, but nothing can change until we are willing to bring things into the open. But it is vital that we never start with finger pointing.

that way

Creative Commons License photo credit: massdistraction

The blame game is as old as Adam and Eve in the Garden. It wasn’t helpful then and it isn’t helpful now. And to be perfectly frank, it doesn’t matter “who started what first”. The goal is to let our husbands know that we need to work on things and learn to function better together.

One practical suggestion is to sit down with the Lord and a piece of paper and write out the things on our hearts. Sometimes it is better for us to write it out ahead of time. Often when we get into discussions that are emotional for us, we get heated or we burst into tears and things don’t go well. If we are able to write out our concerns in a non-judgmental way and with a clear head and heart, it will go a long way to have clear and productive communication with our husbands.

Saying things like: “you never” or “you always” does NOT help, nor is it true.

Instead of saying they spend too much time on the computer or video game console, ask if they would be willing to do certain activities/tasks around the house. Suggest a date night for the two of you or a game night for the family. Suggest going out with friends or doing the grocery shopping together. Come up with some practical things you can do together that will help you feel connected with your husband.

The issue is not necessarily that he plays games when he’s home. The issue is whether he is willing to learn to be more attentive to you. And you need to communicate without judgment or finger pointing but with a heart to build your marriage, rather than getting your own way.

And then we sit back, pray and allow the Holy Spirit to work. In our husband’s lives and in our lives. We work toward unity together, not by nagging and manipulating to get our own way, but by gently presenting our concerns and going to our knees. This is where our strength comes from, when we draw on the Spirit to work in our marriages and by humbling ourselves before the Lord.

How can YOU work to build your marriage and communication? How can YOU ask the Spirit to work in your own heart? How can YOU share with your husband in a loving, gentle way and ask the Lord for humility in your own heart?

Linking to:
Marital Oneness, Encourage One Another, Winsome Wednesday, Women Living Well, Walk With Him Wednesdays, Raising Homemakers, Time Warp Wife

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  1. Love the blog and the things you came up with for it’s about be appreciative of one another…

    • Thanks Desiray. Learning to VERBALLY appreciate one another is really important and for some, not that easy…that’s for sure!

  2. Hi Kate – this is the second post today that I’ve seen about not allowing the enemy to take root in your marriage. Words I am need of hearing. Thank you for the great reminder not to let the devil win.
    God bless and thank you for linking this great post. Look forward to seeing you there again next week.

    • Thanks for your encouraging comment, Tracy. I’m so thankful for the sweet gals I’m getting to know through your link-up!


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