I’ve seen women struggle with this type of isssue, even if the exact particulars are different. The problem could very well be that HIS priorities are not YOUR priorities! We were created to be helpers to our husbands. Adam was placed into the Garden and given the task of tending it, but God saw that he needed a helper. Unfortunately, there was no one yet created who was suitable for him in this mission. So God put him to sleep and created a whole new being – like yet unlike Adam, made from his rib and God gave Eve to Adam for a mate. Not just a “breeding machine”, but to be a helper and companion in his God-ordained goals and mission in life.
All of this means that it is our job to find out HIS priorities in the home and to make those OUR priorities. When I was a young bride I was plagued with guilt over all the things I wasn’t doing. I was pregnant with our first baby, my husband was in grad school and I was working full time. I came home exhausted, swollen and depressed at how my house looked, at the meals I wasn’t cooking, at the unpacking that wasn’t getting done (we moved one month before I was due), at the laundry I could not carry down 3 flights of stairs…you name it, I was guilty about it!
Two weeks before I delivered, we went to a couple’s conference and one major thing stuck out for me. We had an assignment to fill out this Chart. It had the home divided into areas of priority: a clean house, well prepared meals, time spent with your children, time spent with others, an attractive wife. Under each of these categories were a wide range of things. The wives were encouraged to fill this out according to what they felt their husband’s priorities were and then the husbands were to fill this out according to what their priorities REALLY were. Then we were encouraged to discuss them together. What an eye opening experience this was in our home and my life!
I had been stressed about a cluttered home and Kevin only cared if the couch was cleared off. And home cleanliness and meal prep were not even issues of high priority for him anyway. He was more concerned that I was relaxed and had spent time with God (this fell under the category of Attractive Wife). He felt so much more relaxed at home if I had been with the Lord and was not stressed in the home. He found me more attractive (even at 9 months pregnant) if my heart was calm and centered on the Lord. This really redefined my views of complaints (although he almost never complained) about the home. I had to ask,
- “If Kevin feels something is out of whack then what priority of his am I neglecting?”
My dear, dear friend Tamara, says, “There is always time to do the will of God. “ So if I do not have time to do the things on Kevin’s heart, what am I doing in its place? If carrying out my husband’s priorities are God’s will for my life, what am I supplanting that with that is robbing me of time to do God’s will? When we learn to see our lives and ministry in this light, we gain freedom and joy in our service.