Guarding Our Hearts – Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe

After prayer and reflection I have a few ideas I’d like to share over the next few weeks about Guarding Our Hearts. It is so easy for us to open our hearts up to many influences that are not good for us. I’d like to share some things we can use to examine our own lives and see if there are areas where we need to pull back the reigns and raise up some walls of protection to keep our hearts safe and centered on the Lord.

Open VS Honest or: Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe

Although our family does NOT allow dating for our teenage children, I’m going to write for the vast majority of families who do.

I just want to say that there is a BIG difference between being open and being honest. In any relationship, particularly a romantic relationship, it is imperative that we are honest with one another, but not always open.

  • Dishonesty is a lie. God calls us to honesty in our lives, not to lie or pretend something is true when it isn’t. I think of the movie Runaway Bride, when Maggie changes her favorite kind of eggs depending on the man she is with. She put on a mask to try and make them believe she was exactly who they wanted. Unfortunately we do this all too often and then wonder why, after the other person finds out who we REALLY are, the relationship fails and both of us are left with hurt and distrust.
  • Dishonesty hides God’s will. How can we ever determine God’s will for us in a relationship if we mask who we are; if we try to pass off a facade of who we WANT to look like in place of who we really are. We need to know who the other person is and they need to know who we are. Our prayers for wisdom and guidance are thwarted when we are dishonest.
  • God also calls us to be discerning and show discretion. It is not appropriate to OPEN our hearts fully to someone who is not our husband! There are things that are just not appropriate to discuss in a dating relationship that hasn’t turned to engagement! I can be fully honest without being fully open. It is GOOD to say sometimes, “I don’t think I’m ready to share that with you right now.”

In our culture of sharing our most intimate details on Facebook, we have lost the wisdom and character quality of discretion. The dictionary defines it as:

the quality of being discreet, especially with reference to one’s own actions or speech; prudence or decorum

Knowing when we should hold something close to our hearts to guard it is part of wisdom, and wisdom comes from understanding God’s Word.

Discretion will guard you, Understanding will watch over you…Prov 2:11

My son, give attention to my wisdom, Incline your ear to my understanding; that you may observe discretion And your lips may reserve knowledge. Prov 5:1-2

“I, wisdom, dwell with prudence, And I find knowledge and discretion.” Prov 8:12

We should learn to not open our hearts fully to people we date, not until we are engaged to be married. Too often (even when we are as young as 13) we convince ourselves, “Oh HE is the one I’m going to marry!” and so we plunge head-long into an intimacy (and I’m not even talking physically) that God intended only for marriage. No, we should NOT be fully open with those we date. We need to walk in discernment and discretion, because there are parts of our lives that God intended to be reserved for our husbands alone.

So, in your relationships, be HONEST, but not always fully OPEN. Build discretion into your hearts and minds and speech. This is part of growing in wisdom, God’s wisdom!

All Scripture quotations are taken from the NASB.
Unless otherwise indicated, photos from

(photo credit: titatoma)

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  1. I’ll be following this series and sharing it with my dear daughter as she begins to navigate middle school. Say a prayer for her (and her Mama).

    • Yes, Tia, I’ll be praying! Guarding hearts in the early teen years helps so much to set the tone for how to respond to relationships later in life!

  2. Thank you for posting this. While reading, I realized this is something I did not know or understand when I was growing up. It’s wonderful that you are bringing this to light. I wish I understood it during my teen years. It would have saved a lot of hurt. I have saved your blog and will be sure to explain this to my children. Thank you.

    • Well, Melinda, I’m so glad this was an encouragement to you and for your children as well. Thanks so much for sharing and for visiting with me!


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