Marriage is always hard.
It takes work. It takes commitment. For it to be a really strong marriage, it takes BOTH parties committed to living surrendered before the Lord. And it takes both husband and wife being emotionally supportive of one another.
But that doesn’t always happen.
Sometimes there is a real gap between a husband and a wife. Sometimes a husband is not the supportive, gentle, cherish-er of his wife that God intended. Sometimes he is inattentive or even harsh when it comes to her emotional needs. Sometimes a woman lives in a marriage where there is little to no emotional connection.*
How do we continue in that?
We seek our emotional support and provision from the Lord.
God is our ultimate provider. He is the One who will meet our needs. Even in the hard times, He is the One to whom we run and seek our strength. This is NOT an easy thing to do, we want that support, encouragement and strength to come from our husbands. So how do we respond when it doesn’t?
Often, in our culture, we are so quick to want things easy:
- We live in a throw-away society.
- If something doesn’t work, we toss it and buy a newer, a better one.
- We quit jobs when they get hard.
- We drop relationships when they become work.
- We blame others when things are not easy for us.
- We drop marriages when our needs are not seeming to be met or when it is no longer fun or when we *fall out of love*.
Is this God’s plan?
If we are in a hard marriage, a marriage that seems to leave us emotionally lonely or where our emotional needs go unmet, how does God want us to respond?
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Col 3:12-16
God’s original plan was always for a husband and a wife to be completely supportive and encouraging and building one another. But our husband’s are fallible, they are weak and riddled with faults (just like us) and will often let us down. They have their own baggage from their lives which might leave them unable (or even unwilling) to understand our own needs and desires for deep emotional connection and support.
What about MY NEEDS??
For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name!
He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. Is 54:5 NLT
God is the One who desires to meet all of our needs. Sometimes He brings other people in our lives to meet them, perhaps through faithful and godly friends, through counselors or maybe through mentors. Sometimes He allows times of loneliness in our lives, even in our marriages, so we have no place to turn but to Him.
Are we willing to walk a walk of surrender to Him? Are we willing to all seek HIM alone to meet our needs? Are willing to walk in the manner of our Lord Jesus who was misunderstood by those who knew Him best YET lived His life loving them unconditionally?
*(Please note: I am not speaking AT ALL to a marriage of verbal or physical abuse or a controlling spouse.)
All Scripture quotations are taken from the NASB.
(image courtesy of nuttakit/freedigitalphotos.net)
Amen! What a great post! We celebrated our 30th anniversary back in December. And at times over the years I have had to lean on depend on God to husband me in ways my husband couldn’t…especially when the kids were little.
Congratulations, Alida, on 30 years of marriage! Obviously you did a great job leaning on God to keep you together all these years. But it is such a growing thing, don’t you think? Thanks for sharing and visiting here.
So what would you say to a marriage of verbal or physical abuse or a controlling spouse?
Not to cop out, but I would deal with it privately with the person. However, in a situation of physical abuse, I would counsel for them to RUN to a place of physical safety, for them and their children. And then encourage them to obtain godly biblical counseling.
Kate…what good stuff to chew on. Yes, God should always be the center of a marriage cause you will need Him. Thank you for sharing this today.
Naomi, thanks so much for your comment. And how easy is it for us to forget to put God in the center!
Kate, what a great post. So many married people today give up before the marriage really starts. It is so sad. Abuse in a marriage is tragic. Thanks for sharing.
Kathleen, you are so right, it is sad when the expectations for marriage are not total commitment for keeps. And I have to confess that abuse in marriage just makes my blood boil. I would NOT want to be the abusive spouse who stands before the Lord!
Thanks for coming by today.
We will always be dissatisfied at one point or another if we look to this world and to our husbands for sole-fulfillment when the Lord has placed it on our hearts that He is our ultimate source for everything. When we look to Him above all else, our earthly relationships will be much better because we are focused on God. Great post Kate, visiting from To Love, Honor and Vacuum’s Wifey Wednesdays.
Nicole at Working Kansas Homemaker
Hey Nicole! You are so right…our contentment can only come from God. Glad you came on by for a visit. Wishing you a great month of juicing health!! (read your post today)
I think too often we look to our spouse for what only our Lord should/can fill. Even when there isn’t neglect, we see it because our husband isn’t doing what we think he should. Having a close relationship with God always seems to allow our other relationships to be what they are without judgement. I guess that means i simply agree with you. 🙂
Thanks, Stacey! 😉 And you are so right! With God in the center, everything else works out better.
Thank you so much for this. God’s timing is always perfect!
Hallelujah!! Thanks for sharing this with me, Jennifer, I love hearing of God’s goodness.
So true! I wish I would have read this post the first year I was married. It took me a while to learn that my husband couldn’t possibly meet all of my needs.
We’re going to celebrate our 20th anniversary this year, and learning to depend on God to meet my needs was the most important thing I’ve done to keep our marriage on track. I don’t know how non-Christian couples do it!
It probably sounds like my husband and I have a hard marriage…we don’t. But we’re human, and we are selfish at times. Depending on a fellow human being for everything will never work.
Such good information. Thanks for sharing. Stopping by from the SITS sharefest.
Thanks, Aimee! So glad you stopped by for a peek!