Marriage is always hard.
It takes work. It takes commitment. For it to be a really strong marriage, it takes BOTH parties committed to living surrendered before the Lord. And it takes both husband and wife being emotionally supportive of one another.
But that doesn’t always happen.
Sometimes there is a real gap between a husband and a wife. Sometimes a husband is not the supportive, gentle, cherish-er of his wife that God intended. Sometimes he is inattentive or even harsh when it comes to her emotional needs. Sometimes a woman lives in a marriage where there is little to no emotional connection.*
How do we continue in that?
We seek our emotional support and provision from the Lord.
God is our ultimate provider. He is the One who will meet our needs. Even in the hard times, He is the One to whom we run and seek our strength. This is NOT an easy thing to do, we want that support, encouragement and strength to come from our husbands. So how do we respond when it doesn’t?
Often, in our culture, we are so quick to want things easy:
- We live in a throw-away society.
- If something doesn’t work, we toss it and buy a newer, a better one.
- We quit jobs when they get hard.
- We drop relationships when they become work.
- We blame others when things are not easy for us.
- We drop marriages when our needs are not seeming to be met or when it is no longer fun or when we *fall out of love*.
Is this God’s plan?
If we are in a hard marriage, a marriage that seems to leave us emotionally lonely or where our emotional needs go unmet, how does God want us to respond?
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Col 3:12-16
God’s original plan was always for a husband and a wife to be completely supportive and encouraging and building one another. But our husband’s are fallible, they are weak and riddled with faults (just like us) and will often let us down. They have their own baggage from their lives which might leave them unable (or even unwilling) to understand our own needs and desires for deep emotional connection and support.
What about MY NEEDS??
For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name!
He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. Is 54:5 NLT
God is the One who desires to meet all of our needs. Sometimes He brings other people in our lives to meet them, perhaps through faithful and godly friends, through counselors or maybe through mentors. Sometimes He allows times of loneliness in our lives, even in our marriages, so we have no place to turn but to Him.
Are we willing to walk a walk of surrender to Him? Are we willing to all seek HIM alone to meet our needs? Are willing to walk in the manner of our Lord Jesus who was misunderstood by those who knew Him best YET lived His life loving them unconditionally?
*(Please note: I am not speaking AT ALL to a marriage of verbal or physical abuse or a controlling spouse.)