Can we build strong marriages through praise?

We all love to hear praise. We love to be told we look lovely in our new dress or that we did a great job singing that special song on Sunday or the meal was marvelous. Everyone of us longs to be praised. It is even more special when the praise is given to us by someone we love and admire.

giving our husbands praise can strengthen our marriage

Why is it that, as wives, we seldom praise our husbands?

Do we think, “they are only doing what they are supposed to” or “it’s just taking out the trash (or mowing the lawn), what’s the big deal?” The big deal is that our praise should have nothing to do with the size of the task but with the size of our gratitude. So the question becomes: are we truly grateful for the husband God has given to us?

You wanna know something? Chances are high that there is some other woman giving your husband praise in his life – in his job, in his ministry, in the neighborhood.

Praise can cause us to become attentive to the praise-giver.

A wife should be the receiver of that attentiveness – and therefore we need to make sure we are the major ones giving praise!

But, you say, you don’t understand my husband…he doesn’t really deserve praise. Oh really? Nothing he does deserves praise? Not a,

  • “Honey I was so blessed by your giving the baby a bath tonight” or
  • “Thank you for carrying those groceries in for me, I felt so loved” or
  • “I feel so cared for when you went to work today when you were feeling ill, thank you!”

If you think nothing he does deserves praise, then I think it is time for you to spend some time on your knees before the Lord and ask Him to give you eyes to see your husband with compassion and gratitude rather than with a critical spirit.

Finding things worthy of praise.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Phil 4:8

For those of you who do recognize the praise-worthy things your husband does but just forget to say anything, I would like you to build a pattern for the next week of giving 5 praises a day to your husband. They don’t have to be huge things. In fact, most of our lives are lived in the midst of the small things. Maybe it was common courtesy of holding the door or carrying something heavy. Maybe it was a kind word he spoke to a neighbor about you. Maybe it was a compliment he gave.

At first it might seem awkward or artificial, but after a few days you will begin to see even more all the way he cares for you, protects you and loves you. And the praises will begin to flow. It is also a great way to teach our children what a healthy marriage should look like!

Praise, love and gratitude go hand-in-hand.

When we look at others with hearts of praise, it changes how we view them. If we have been taking our husbands for granted, we look at them with critical spirits and our love begins to wane – just a bit. But if we choose to live in gratitude and look at those things that are praise worthy, our love begins to bloom, just a little bit.

When we begin to change, our husbands very often will respond back. If we fill our hearts with praise and gratitude, it is a natural human instinct to respond in kind. In a healthy loving relationship, their love and gratitude begin to build toward us as well. (This will probably not have much affect in a dysfunctional unhealthy relationship, but that is a different post.)

Now, I am NOT saying that praising our husbands will keep our marriages safe from adultery. But I AM saying that the enticing words of the adulteress will have much less affect on a man who loves the Lord, seeks to live the surrendered life and is showered with praise from a loving and grateful wife.

Try it. You might find some eye-opening (and romantic) results!

All Scripture quotations are taken from the NASB.
Unless otherwise indicated, photos from pixaby.com

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22 Comments

  1. Thanks Kate! I give God credit and praise for sending you into my life. It’s because what you said to me on another board regarding my dh and how I treated him that changed our marriage and ministry!

    I realized all over again this summer how thankful I am for him and how much he cares that the yard looks good!

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    • Rebekah…PRAISE THE LORD!!

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  2. I so agree with your post. My hubby and I do appreciations each night before we retire for the evening. Gratitude goes a long way in keeping the love alive. It’s nice to receive the appreciation and gratitude as a wife, I’ll say. But, we share the gratitude not to receive it in return, but to deepen the love between us. It’s such a blessing.

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    • Lisa, I love this statement: “But, we share the gratitude not to receive it in return, but to deepen the love between us.” So good and so true!

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  3. Oh yes, Kate! So often we take for granted the one person we must value the most.

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    • Corinne, ain’t THAT the truth!! We all need reminders in this, that’s for SURE!

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  4. Great reminder. Gratitude is one thing that brings us back to a place of abundance and not lack. Everyone needs to hear that they are appreciated. It brings out the best in each one of us, both the giver of the gratitude and the receiver of the gratitude.

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    • Nancy, you are so right, this is a good reminder in all our relationships!

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  5. Great advice, Kate!

    We should “major in praise”!

    I’m going to take you up on your challenge to praise my husband at least 5 times a day for the next week. He’s a great guy and sometimes I forget to ‘say’ it outloud!

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    • Lori, I’m very interested in hearing how things go with the challenge! I know what you mean about forgetting to say it out loud!!

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  6. I accept said Challenge! :)
    and you’re welcome for the subject matter of this post ;) muahaha

    love you so!

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    • Yeah for taking the challenge!! And LOL — I did have this sketched out on my blog calendar about 3 weeks ago – but thank you too! ;)

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  7. Nice post. My husband and I are a little over-the-top according to some people as we are always expressing our appreciation for each other. It also helps when the house is a wreck, there are dishes in the sink and laundry to be done. If I can remember all of the things I appreciate that he did that week, I (mostly) do not get angry or yell at him. ;)

    A couple of years ago I flipped on Oprah, because everyone seems to love Oprah and I thought I’d try to watch her again. Her guest that day was a woman who wrote a book called, “I’d trade my husband for a housekeeper” or something close to that. She was going on and on about it, and the women in the audience were laughing, and standing and clapping. I couldn’t even believe it. That was pretty much the last time I ever tried to watch Oprah. If she’s going to support that kind of negativity in a marriage, I can’t really value her opinion. No wonder the divorce rate is so high if people think this type of behavior and speech towards one another is appropriate. I found it very sad.

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    • Over the top in showing your appreciation for one another is a GOOD THING!! ;D That Oprah story is a tragedy, I’m so sorry she felt it was appropriate.

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  8. I don’t think I need to take the challenge, but I wanted to say that I loved this post and the encouragement you’re offering to women in their marriages.

    This was really great!

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    • Thanks so much, Terry!

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  9. We all need this reminder! Thank you! My husband’s love language is affirmation, and I would venture to say is one of the top love languages for most men. It is a HUGE way for us to show them we respect them.
    One idea I would like to throw out there as a very fun way to praise our husbands is: FLIRT with your man! ;o) My hubby loves it when I can’t take my eyes off him, or give him a wink, blow him a kiss from across the room, and let him know he is the best looking man on the face of the earth! Let’s not just love our husbands this week ladies, but also love ON them! :o)

    Reply
    • Dacia, GREAT idea!!

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  10. What a great reminder. I’m going to pay more attention to the opportunities God gives me to praise my husband. He really is worthy of my praise, and I don’t want to take him and the gift he is to me for granted.
    Thanks for this post!
    Blessings,
    Debi

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    • Thanks for stopping by Debi!

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  11. I just wanted to share this. I forwarded this post to a friend of mine. Lo and behold, this post helped your get her AHA moment and is moving forward. So thanks, and keep writing. You never know how

    Reply
    • Wow, I’m very humbled, Nancy. I hope she strengthens her marriage.

      Reply

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