Do you ever struggle with feeling unattractive for your husband?
You look at other women, sometimes actresses or women in magazines and think, “I can’t compete with them.” You may be 20 pounds (or more) heavier than you were 3 or more babies ago and numerous years ago. Some of your — ahem — feminine qualities may be drooping a little more as gravity has taken its course.
You try to stay fit, you eat well, you exercise a couple of times a week but the rigors of life and the busyness of being a mom and homemaker (maybe a homeschooling mom to boot) are too much and you can’t quite get in that 30-60 minute workout 5-6 days a week.
But the question is: how does your husband feel?
Does he tell you that you are still attractive to him but you don’t believe him? I know that was a struggle for me for a long time. 8 babies (9 pregnancies) have not been kind to my shape! I’m well into the second half of a century and there are lines on my face that never used to be there before.
Why would my husband still find me attractive? Is he just lying to protect my feelings? Does he just have bad taste? These are lies the enemy tells us to get our eyes on the wrong things in life: THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE.
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him;
for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1Sa 16:7
You know what? God intended for our husbands to be attracted to us. To US. Not to an image of a perfect woman, to some Barbie Doll fantasy. And, although you’d never guess it from what the world tells us about romance, He has designed our husbands to keep growing in their desire for us the longer they love us. Like a baby bird is imprinted with the image of its mother, so too our husbands are to be imprinted with US as the one they view as desirable.
The enemy (via the tools and temptations of the world) is constantly trying to break that imprinting. Even when things have come in the way of this, God CAN restore the purity of our sexual mindset within the marriage. In a marriage of faithfulness, God begins to destroy barriers to that purity and renew the imprinting between a husband and a wife.
So, when we grow old and hear our husbands say they think we are the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen, we can believe them. We don’t need the mirror to tell us how many wrinkles or grey hairs we have, because THAT DOESN’T MATTER. We can be CONFIDENT that God’s original plan of marital joy and sexual pleasure is at work.
Our husbands find us attractive because WE have become their view of what attractive really is.
And you know what else? That confidence in their love and attraction to us is actually very sexy to them!
So, what lies have YOU been listening to? How are you pulling away from your husband because of insecurities about how you look (or don’t look)? And how can you bring that back to God and have Him change your understanding of the TRUTH that your husband finds you attractive because it is God’s plan?
(this is part 1 of a 5 part series on beauty that can be found here)