Are We Attractive Enough?

Do you ever struggle with feeling unattractive for your husband?

You look at other women, sometimes actresses or women in magazines and think, “I can’t compete with them.” You may be 20 pounds (or more) heavier than you were 3 or more babies ago and numerous years ago. Some of your — ahem — feminine qualities may be drooping a little more as gravity has taken its course.

photo by valereann

You try to stay fit, you eat well, you exercise a couple of times a week but the rigors of life and the busyness of being a mom and homemaker (maybe a homeschooling mom to boot) are too much and you can’t quite get in that 30-60 minute workout 5-6 days a week.

But the question is: how does your husband feel?

Does he tell you that you are still attractive to him but you don’t believe him? I know that was a struggle for me for a long time. 8 babies (9 pregnancies) have not been kind to my shape! I’m well into the second half of a century and there are lines on my face that never used to be there before.

Why would my husband still find me attractive? Is he just lying to protect my feelings? Does he just have bad taste? These are lies the enemy tells us to get our eyes on the wrong things in life: THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him;
for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1Sa 16:7

barbie doll photo: JEAN HARLOW SILKSTONE BARBIE DOLL REPAINT 4459.jpg

photo by: sanquezcreations

 

You know what? God intended for our husbands to be attracted to us. To US. Not to an image of a perfect woman, to some Barbie Doll fantasy. And, although you’d never guess it from what the world tells us about romance, He has designed our husbands to keep growing in their desire for us the longer they love us. Like a baby bird is imprinted with the image of its mother, so too our husbands are to be imprinted with US as the one they view as desirable.

The enemy (via the tools and temptations of the world) is constantly trying to break that imprinting. Even when things have come in the way of this, God CAN restore the purity of our sexual mindset within the marriage. In a marriage of faithfulness, God begins to destroy barriers to that purity and renew the imprinting between a husband and a wife.

So, when we grow old and hear our husbands say they think we are the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen, we can believe them. We don’t need the mirror to tell us how many wrinkles or grey hairs we have, because THAT DOESN’T MATTER. We can be CONFIDENT that God’s original plan of marital joy and sexual pleasure is at work.

Our husbands find us attractive because WE have become their view of what attractive really is.

photo by karen_000

And you know what else? That confidence in their love and attraction to us is actually very sexy to them!

So, what lies have YOU been listening to? How are you pulling away from your husband because of insecurities about how you look (or don’t look)? And how can you bring that back to God and have Him change your understanding of the TRUTH that your husband finds you attractive because it is God’s plan?

(this is part 1 of a 5 part series on beauty that can be found here)

All Scripture quotations are taken from the NASB.
Unless otherwise indicated, photos from pixaby.com

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12 Comments

  1. What PERFECT timing, Kate! I’m embarrassed to admit been struggling with this even though I know it’s a lie. It’s because I’ve been gaining weight. I feel so yucky about myself that I allowed my thinking to get this far. Thank you so much for sharing! This would be wonderful to share with Wifey Wednesday over at “To Love, Honor and Vacuum”. 🙂 http://tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com/search/label/wifey%20wednesdays
    Have a wonderful day, my friend! <3

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  2. Praise the Lord, Gina, that it touched you to reveal HIS truth! I was going to link it over there but they had nothing up for this week when I posted. I wlll link it now!

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  3. What a wonderful encouragement this is. Thank you for posting. Crossing over into the stage of life where things are changing has made me feel insecure and I’ve had to talk with my husband about it. What you are saying IS true. And I’m thankful God placed that as a part of His design because there would be so much that would be missed growing old together in marriage.

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  4. Melissa, I’m so glad that you and your husband have talked about this! So many wives don’t and they are plagued with doubts and fears. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. You’re rockin’ it, Sweet mama!

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  6. Kate, this is my favorite of your posts so far! Wow … really encouraging and uplifting. Email me at skharmony@q.com … That really gave me great perspective today! Thanks.

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    • Sarah, I’m glad it was encouraging for you!!

      Reply
  7. I have struggled more with this since my husband began to struggle with pornography. He has not shown interest in me in over 3 years. How do I maintain my perspective and not try to compete with a fantasy and not be bitter towards him? I do know that I am beautiful and precious to God.

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    • Christie, I am so very sorry that you have had this heartbreaking trial in your life. That is so difficult. First, is he willing to go for counseling and does he see it is a problem? Second, and this is a crucial but very difficult point, you need to TRULY see this as not being about YOU at all…it is about HIM and HIS giving himself over to the lust of the flesh. His problem wouldn’t be any different if you were one of the 4 supermodels!

      You are doing the very thing you need to do…see your identity in Jesus. None of us can compete with a fantasy because a fantasy is not real and does not exist in life. The not being bitter is your biggest hurdle. If he is really struggling/fighting against this sin, that is one thing. If he has given himself over to it with no desire to even be free, then you have but one recourse – the ONLY way to fight this battle is on your knees. Regular (perhaps weekly) prayer and fasting for your husband might be where you need to go. I have no guarantee that God will change your husband’s choices, but no matter what, it will give YOU greater freedom from the feelings of worthlessness the enemy wants to throw your way.

      I will be praying about your struggles, dear.

      Reply
  8. This is such a great post, Kate!

    (I actually wrote about this subject a lot in my book on marriage.) You bring up an excellent point that our husbands are attracted to us all the more when we are confident in our bodies. That is a very difficult thing to do (even when we are younger), but it is imperative to a healthy, happy marriage.

    It’s not easy, but let us all vow to see ourselves the way God and our husbands do. Thanks for this important reminder, Kate! Blessings to you and yours.

    Reply
    • I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I love when God teaches His children the same thing and they all share it in different ways. So cool that you wrote on this in your marriage book too!!

      Reply
  9. Great insight, Kate! What a great reminder of the standard of beauty we should follow! 🙂 With shorts season quickly approaching, I needed this!

    Reply

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