The changes that God brings in our (female) lives all along the way can sometimes be challenging (thank you very much, Eve!) but the challenge I didn’t expect to bother me most would be the emotional valleys and mountains. Those who know me well know that I am a pretty
flat line stable person emotionally. I don’t get depressed, seldom have ups and downs…I am pretty much always the same.
These times of hormonal imbalances leave me often feeling like I always have tears behind my eyes that could boil over at the slightest provocation (or at no provocation at all). I find this very disconcerting. I like to know that if I’m sad, there is a REAL reason for it! I like to know that if I’m so delightedly happy that it overflows into tears, that it is REALLY true and not just something sweet that sends me blubbering (getting laughed at by husband and children alike).
I thought the Brain Cloud was bad (and it IS) but at least that I can deal with (mostly because I don’t remember it anyway!! ). I feel like I’m a teenager again, when I was sitting by the phone in tears that the boy I’m crazy about didn’t call!!! The emotional instability is a real challenge to keep in control so that I can walk faithfully with the Lord and not become a raving lunatic with my family.
- the times I’ve had to bite my tongue when something nasty was ready to fly out of my mouth
- the tears of hurt that I blink back so my husband doesn’t think he’s really hurt me with something he said or did when it has NOTHING to do with him
- the misunderstandings in conversations make me feel like I should just crawl under a rock until “this too has passed”
This constant struggle for emotional control is very exhausting!!!
These changes in our lives give new meaning to dying to self and not walking according to the flesh. I am learning more every day about the practical trials of walking faithfully with God. And it is revealing a new vulnerability in my heart. We get to a place in our lives where we think,
“I’ve Arrived. I know what I’m doing in walking with Jesus. No Sweat!”
But then God throws us a curve ball to remind us of the FAITH and TRUST He calls us to in our lives. And that faith and trust is in HIM and not in what we’ve learned or can accomplish. It is more and more, for me, a test of walking faithfully with God’s power and Him living out through my life.
I am learning great things (very humbling things) about Paul’s comment where he said when he was weak then he was strong. I am finding the weakness of my emotions and my mind push me to more deeply find my strength in God – that any strength I used to possess has fled with my child bearing years and now I must rest, just like a young child, in His power and His abilities.
It’s not a BAD place to be, but it IS a humbling and vulnerable place to be. Especially since those around me remember who I was a few years ago – my abilities and strengths – and sometimes don’t understand and often forget the shortcomings I now live out daily. I am also trusting that their love for me is stronger than the foibles of my imbalances and failures.
I sure am seeing bigger things about God in my life. Now, if only I could REMEMBER them!!!
Blogs I might be linking to:
Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Raising Homemakers, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, Raising Mighty Arrows Thursdays, Thought Provoking Thursday, First Day of My Life Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Home Focused Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday