By Kate, on February 20th, 2013% In generations past, couples had extended families around them to exemplify examples of good/godly marriage. Then our culture changed. People moved to the suburbs, extended families became something we saw on holidays and our elders were placed in elderly housing. Soon TV seemed to become the only examples of marriage we were seeing.
This evening some of us in my family tried to come up with the Top 5 TV couples. By that we meant couples who were obviously in love, intelligent and respectful of one another.
We came up with 3 right off the top — and all of us came up with the same 3. But I was hard pressed to come up with more than 3!! How sad that we had to go all the way back to Ozzie and Harriet for #4!! Here are our top 3 in no particular order:
Peter and Elizabeth Burke from White Collar
They have been married for 10 years at the start of the show. They are deeply in love with one another and the have SERIOUS trust for one another. I love that there is no stupid jealousy. They know one another’s character and respect and honor each other’s strengths.
Rob and Laura Petrie from The Dick Van Dyke Show
They are very much in love and, even as a comedy where they show and exaggerate one another’s foibles, there is intelligence and essential honesty and respect between them.
Lord and Lady Grantham from Downton Abbey
Now, I know they’ve had their ups and downs (his initially marrying her for her fortune, his temptation early on and her bitter hurt and anger after the loss of their daughter), but they seriously love one another and respect one another. Her faithfulness and support whether for rich or poor, his gentle respect for her and their commitment to the marriage is heartening in TV today.
Sometimes it is just hard to find examples of good marriages around us. Godly marriages can be even harder! I guess it has been such a longing in my heart to show to my children a loving and godly marriage. Some things I think are important that are not often shown in our culture today:
- faithfulness – being fully and equivocally committed to one another and leaving NO room for straying
- loyalty – being 100% on the side of each other and never opening a door to division (which often means shutting down slander or bashing from others firmly and immediately!)
- desire – working hard to stir up physical desire for one another, even in the tired and hormonal years, and opening our hearts to accept that desire from our spouse
- companionship – building that comfortable friendship with one another and not taking it for granted, even when life situations grow hectic and stressful
- respect – giving and expecting a healthy respect to each other with no hidden snarkiness or feelings of superiority
- faith – being a source of faith and trust in the Lord for one another, being that cord that is not easily broken
So, how are YOU doing? Are you being a good example in your marriage to your children or to other younger couples watching you? Are you struggling to see godly examples around you to follow as you allow the Lord to redefine marriage in your own eyes and mind?
I pray that the Lord guards and protects each of our marriages and that we take our marriages (but not ourselves) very seriously indeed!
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, The Welcoming House, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R, Pieces of Amy
By Kate, on February 13th, 2013% A friend had asked me if I would write Preparing for a No-Divorce Marriage coming from the male side of things. And since many of us have sons that we are training and raising to be men of God, I thought it was about time I sat down and wrote it. My post for the girls can be found here.
Are you single and come from a family background riddled with divorce?
Are you feeling stressed wondering how you can change that pattern in your own life?
Are you wondering how you can change that outlook for your own future marriage?
One question you need to answer: Are you preparing to be the man of integrity that will draw a woman of God to your side for life?
Very often our culture does not challenge young men (or old men, for that matter) to be men of integrity:
- men with strength of character – Gal 6:1-10
- men who embrace responsibility – 1 Sam 30
- men who persevere in all circumstances – James 1:2-4
- men of humility – James 4:6
- men with a servant heart – Matt 20:25-28
- men who are honest – Col 3:9-10
- men who love unconditionally – 1 Cor 13:1-7
- men who sacrifice for others – Eph 5:1-2
- men who work hard – Prov 6:6-11
- men who take care of their own – 1 Tim 5:8
- men who control their tempers – Prov 22:24
- men who care for the powerless – Prov 31:8-9; James 1:~27
- men who can be trusted – Luke 16:10
- men willing to lead others – 1 Thess 2:9-12, Prov 31:23
- men of the Word – Col 3:16; Ps 119
- men of prayer – James 5:16; 1 Thes 5:16-18
- men who disciple others – 2 Tim 2:2 Heb 10:23:24
- men with gentleness – 1 Peter 3:7-8
- men with compassion – Col 3:12
- men willing to submit to authority – 1 Peter 5:6-7
- men sold out to Jesus – Deut 6:5
- men who are not controlled by their lusts – 1 Thess 4:3-8
As women come into your “radar”, you need to look beyond a pretty face or that charge of attraction. You don’t want to find that the woman by your side has no staying power or is not willing to take on the trials the Lord will bring into your lives (Prov 31:30). So, examine her life closely. What is she like with:
- her family – is she respectful and loving or does she treat them with disdain?
- single guys in the church - does she act like a sister or is she a flirt?
- older women in the church – does she have/seek a mentor or disregard them?
- younger women in the church – does she have good relationships based on a love for the Lord and care for others or does she act competitively, always wanting to come out on top?
- leaders in the church - does she treat them with respect and deference or does she rebel against their spiritual authority?
Once you are married, remember that your life is one of surrender TO GOD. He will call you to sacrifice, lay down your own plans and desires for your wife’s best. Marriage is NOT a 50-50 proposition. You are called to give 100%, no matter what your wife gives. The world tells us this is not “fair”; well, it might not be – but there is nothing in scripture that talks about this kind of fairness. God calls men to live to a higher standard than what the world does. He calls you to live your life as Jesus did – in that He sacrificed ALL for the sake and love of His bride.
 (source)
It goes without saying that God will be working on your wife as well. There will be molding and transforming He’ll be doing in her life to make her a woman of God. Pray for the fulness of His grace to be poured out in her life. It is important to remember that she is NOT you! She will respond differently from you: think differently, react differently and have very different concerns.
This is a good thing!
For me, a major thing to remember in dealing with their wives is:
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
She is not weaker as in being less equal before the Lord. But she is more tender and therefore should be treated with tenderness. You don’t have to understand her (you may find that is not that easy to do) BUT you live with her in an understanding way.
And above all: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE! Many books are written on it and I have 2 posts here and here.
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, The Welcoming House, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R, Pieces of Amy
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By Kate, on February 6th, 2013% This is a re-post from the past on beauty.
The question of “is it appropriate for a Christian woman to wear make-up” came up as a comment and I’d like to address that in a post. First, as always, I’d like to look at some scriptures.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Prov 31:30 (this seems to be the theme verse for this series)
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:3-4
(source)
In all of this, it is important to remember what true beauty comes from. It comes from a heart centered on and surrendered to God. Physical attributes of a button nose or silken skin will fade with time (and gravity). They might show beauty on the outside but when our souls are empty, even the external beauty rings hollow. We’ve all seen women who are flawless in their features but there is just something about them that we find wanting. On the other hand, other women have a depth within their eyes that draws us to them. They may not be beautiful, but they are so attractive! Their beauty comes from within – from a heart and life of purpose and and richness.
Now when we look at this verse in 1 Peter 3, is this saying that trying to do things to accentuate our beauty is wrong? Well, if THAT were the case, we would all need to take off our wedding bands and never wear dresses again! (I should say here that there ARE some believers who feel that we are not to wear gold jewelry for this reason, but they are not consistent as they DO wear dresses.) Also, I need to add that the word merely is not in the original text. Does this make a difference? Re-read the text without that word being there. What is Peter trying to say to us?
(source)
I personally do NOT believe that this passage is telling us make-up (or dying our hair or wearing nail polish or wearing earrings) is wrong. BUT I think it is important to remember that the FOCUS of our beauty, the HEART of our beauty comes from the hidden person of our heart. There is nothing wrong with adorning the outside SO LONG AS we work to adorn the part of us that really counts!
- Abraham’s servant gave Rebekah a gold ring and gold bracelets as he sought to bring her for Isaac’s wife. (Gen 24:22-30)
- God tells how He adorned Jerusalem (His beloved) with gold and precious jewelry and luxurious and fine clothing in Ezek. 16:9-13
- The father of the prodigal son took gold and rich clothing to place on his son in Luke 15:22
- The imagery of Song of Solomon is often about the adornment of fragrance and clothing and jewels as part of the romance of the bride and groom
(source)
I do think we have some questions to ask ourselves in our using outward adornments to enhance our own beauty:
- Are we supplanting our relationship with God with fads for defying age or beauty treatments?
- Are we living a life of discontentment with God’s design of our bodies?
- Are we never satisfied with how we look?
- Are we so obsessed with trying to find that perfect beauty that we make beauty into an idol in our lives?
Years ago when I lived in a discipleship household, we were encouraged to make sure and spend AT LEAST as much time with the Lord in scripture and prayer as we spent getting ready to present ourselves to the world. It was a great heart challenge for us as to where our priorities lay!
Are you putting your hope in seeking beauty that doesn’t fade? Are you looking for that in developing a heart that seeks after God?
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, The Welcoming House, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R, Pieces of Amy
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By Kate, on December 15th, 2012% 
28 years ago today, I was in Florida getting ready to marry the man beyond my dreams. My dream had been to live in a small house in the backwoods of Maine, keeping chickens and goats and teach in a 1-room school house. Then Kevin came into my life and I gave all my old dreams up in order to JOYFULLY take on a new dream, one that was God-given.
Some of you have read my story. For those of you who haven’t, you might be interested in reading a series of posts I wrote for my children.
Celebrate with me these past 28 years of wonder, excitement, some struggles and hardship, losses and joys – but always, there was Kevin. He was there to be the best thing God ever brought into my life!
So sit back, grab a cup of eggnog (for the season) and a snack and follow me on my journey that led to today.
“How I Met Your Father”
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R
By Kate, on November 27th, 2012% Well, in one sense, I never really believed this phase would come. When you spend 26 years: pregnant or nursing or potty training or teaching to read or ride a bike or disicipling or helping through puberty or working on college admission…you really don’t think of the FINALITY of your tasks!
But yes, my eldest daughter is engaged!
Her fiance is a lovely young man and we are very excited for her. But where did those years go? My husband has been ready for this phase of life for a long time but I am just getting over the fact that my baby-making years are done. How can this be?
Please know I am so delighted for my daughter, her life and her being off on her own. I’m delighted that she calls me to talk things through. I’m delighted that her close council of friends are godly women who really love the Lord. I’m delighted that she and her fiance have a very strong spiritual walk together.
I’m just shocked at the fact that time is passing – and very rapidly it seems!
I miss my little girl who:
- talked about “packidabs” at the age of 2 (we never did figure out what those were)
- began reading at age 4 all by herself
- wrote her first play at age 5 about Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Daniel and a witch
- almost missed her 8th birthday because she was in her room getting some things ready for a game
- was afraid a finger stick at the doctor would remove all her blood from her body
- hid candy in her room thinking I’d never see
- called her brother “diaper-head” as the worst Bad Name she could think of
- taught her siblings how much fun it was to overdub movies and record them
- had such fun playing with a message from her youth pastor by cutting out most of his message and leaving bizarre and hilarious results
- was a serious introvert surrounded by a family of 10
I’m very glad I get to send her off with a young man who loves her dearly and understands her more deeply than almost anyone else.
Rejoice with me and pray for me in this new season I enter.
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R
By Kate, on November 14th, 2012% 
I know, that sounds like a bizarre question. But I can tell you that I have had more than my fair share of walking in the flesh in my submission. And I’m here to say that it was NOT good for our marriage! You may have experienced this for yourself. Times where you think, “Hey! I’m being submissive and my husband is just a mess. The more submissive I am, the less we are being united. I don’t get it!”
- Are you finding yourself competing with your husband in your heart as to who is more ‘spiritual’?
- Are you trying to make his job easier and easier (especially in times of stress) and taking ALL of his roles onto yourself?
- Are you never speaking your concerns to him under the guise of not wanting to take over?
- Are you finding that he seems to be floundering and you seem to be struggling with resentment?
If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, then perhaps YOU are submitting in the flesh and NOT in the Spirit.
What difference does it make so long as we are submitting? Doesn’t doing what is right make it okay even if our heart isn’t always in the right place?
“The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.” Rom 14:22-23
Our job is not JUST to submit. If that is what we think then we have forgotten our #1 role: to be a helpmate. Way back in Genesis 2, we were created to be a helper to our husbands. That isn’t just being a Yes Woman. We weren’t designed to live a marriage where our husbands live as bachelors with conjugal rights. We were designed to be PARTNERS, to HELP and ENCOURAGE, to AID our husbands in their work and home.
Part of this means we need to be lovingly honest. Of course this also means we need to seek the Spirit for when and how to speak our concerns. Blurting things out in the middle of an argument is NOT walking in the Spirit anymore than never speaking up is. We need to prayerfully seek for God’s timing but always with a heart to speak truth to our husbands. We need to share our concerns without judging or pointing fingers. We need to walk humbly with the Lord, knowing full well that some of the problems in our home could be coming from US.
So, this week, take some time and ask the Lord if your submission if from the Spirit or the flesh. And ask Him to purify your motives and heart to build and strengthen your husband and your marriage. Let’s all walk by faith!
(source)
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Erin Branscoms, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, A Little R&R
By Kate, on October 24th, 2012%  Creative commons license flickr by chescrowel If you missed the first part of this article, read it here.
Many of the women I know who are my age make a CONSCIOUS choice not to husband bash. But this doesn’t mean we don’t have interpersonal struggles. If I have realized anything in these almost 28 years of marriage and these 36 years walking with Jesus, it is this: the bulk of my issues with my husband start with me! OUCH!!! That is never easy to admit, but it doesn’t make it any less true if I refuse to say it, so I’ll say it.
Now, it is important to remember that nothing in a marriage is ever completely one sided. But all I can ever change is ME, so that is always where I start and what I work on.
And the heart of it all is grace. I desire SO MUCH for others to view me with eyes of grace, to give me some slack in the areas where I’m weak and not to judge me harshly when I blow it. I want others to understand that the 7th hot flash in the past 10 minutes or the 4th night in a row getting up for 4 hours in the middle of the night is making me CRANKY and I don’t mean it when I snap at them. I want them to extend that grace of God to me in our relationship; to love me even when I’m hormonally shot.
This is where I blow it…I forget to give my husband (or my children, or my church family or whoever) that same grace! Sure, I want it for myself and I’m HOPING that it will be there from others, but it takes a certain amount of humility to extend it to others. And sometimes I’m just a bit too impatient these days to let go of my emotional rollercoaster and step into grace.
I forget that if I’m struggling, chances are pretty good that others are too. We NEED one another’s love and compassion and grace. But we forget that, like the old song, we must remember to “let it begin with me”.
Now, I just wanted to mention that Kevin’s and my marriage is actually at a very strong place. But, just like everyone else, we have gone through our rough patches, and many of those rough patches were in the area of communication. There have been times when discussing certain topics did NOT go well. And, of course, it ALWAYS came from those times when we were walking in the flesh and wanting to be RIGHT rather than drawing strength and intimacy from one another.
We knew we couldn’t stay in that place. We’d stop a bad discussion and plan a time in a week or so to try again and mark it on the calendar. The next time we visited this topic it would go better. Not always great, but better. As we continued to work through these things, as well as on our own walks with the Lord, we’ve come a long way. We still, however, have a long way to go.
I think a major source of strength for us was remembering that we were ON THE SAME SIDE! We were actually working for one another and not against one another; that we were partners and sometimes we were all each other had. This camaraderie has done much to help us work through our blocks and barriers as we’ve struggled (separately) with feelings of failure and loss entering our latter years. And our need to remind one another that this is all a part of God’s work in our lives and our marriage. It’s part of His transforming work in our lives.
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Raising Homemakers, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, Raising Mighty Arrows Thursdays, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end
By Kate, on October 17th, 2012%  creative commons license by: o5com Have you ever seen a marriage of 25-35 years simply dissolve? “How could that be?” we ask.
Have you ever looked at your own marriage and thought that you’ve “arrived” in your marriage – and that you would coast into the twilight years of marriage in bliss, only to wake up and notice that this just is NOT the case?
Many years ago (I was 9 months pregnant with baby #1) we were at a marriage conference. The speakers (a husband and wife in their late 60s with 4 grown children) said, “The day you think you have ARRIVED in the area of communication is the day you declare death on your marriage.” Now, I know that sounds harsh, but the reality is that in communication, we must ALWAYS be growing!
Our lives are continually changing: our circumstances change, our ideas change, our understanding of scripture deepens (and sometimes changes), our fears and insecurities change. We need to be continually talking to our spouses to share those changes – otherwise we simply begin a long deliberate process of growing apart.
- Yes, our hormones are doing crazy things and we get more persnickety than we used to years ago.
- Yes, we are in a perpetual state of exhaustion from various reasons – not the least of which is often caring for teenagers, young children AND elderly parents/in-laws.
- Yes, our lives are very busy AWAY FROM THE HOME with driving children to practices, games, classes and parents to doctor’s appointments, to pick up prescriptions, etc. and this takes a HUGE emotional toll on us.
- Yes, our husbands are struggling with their significance…they may have worked for years and lost a job due to the economy or they are struggling to keep it when younger (and cheaper) labor is waiting in the wings.
- Yes, our times with our husbands are getting fewer and farther in between because life is pushing us on all sides and we FORGET that it is us against the world, not us against one another.
- Yes, we are dealing with money issues, sometimes even more so than when the children were younger because of college, driving, insurance, rising gas and food prices (and our children are eating TONS of food), taxes rising as we lose dependents (and we didn’t think about this) even though they still live at home.
- Yes, the god of the internet is pulling and tugging from all over to snatch our attention, affection and free time.
- Yes, we have less patience for stupidity and we are seeing it more than we ever did before (usually more in those we love) – not that it IS more, just that our lack of patience focuses in on it more than before. (And by the way, the converse is true…they are seeing more of OUR stupidity as well!)
- Yes, we would just rather take a 3 month holiday – maybe with our husbands or maybe not – maybe just to have NO ONE call our names for a couple of days.
There are so many things in this time of life that are seeking to rip our hearts and affection away from this MAGNIFICENT calling God has given to us: the calling of being a helpmate.
But we are not stuck here! We have an opportunity to change a downward spiral we may see beginning to spin out of control. We can, TODAY, make some changes on how we communicate with our husbands and, more importantly, how we VIEW our husbands. (more next week)
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Raising Homemakers, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, Raising Mighty Arrows Thursdays, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end
By Kate, on October 3rd, 2012%  courtesy of photobucket: Karnamrita We’ve been spending a lot more time in prayer as a family these last few months. God has been showing me how desperately we need to keep our focus on seeking the Lord TOGETHER as a centerpiece in our home. How much more should it be the fire which fuels our marriages!
I know many couples who NEVER pray together! I confess that there have been times in our marriage where we pray FOR one another but don’t really pray WITH one another.
There is power when we pray together!
It isn’t a coincidence that Jesus told us that when 2 or more are gathered in His name that He is in the midst of them. It wasn’t a flippant nicety. It is a POWERFUL reality! When believing hearts come together to seek God’s face, there is a supernatural presence of His Spirit and power that we often do not realize. Why do we so often neglect this spiritual weapon?
We encourage and strengthen one another as we pray together!
And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. Ecc 4:12
When I am struggling in my faith and I hear another saint pray with faith, my faith SHOOTS UP by the speaking out of theirs. I am reminded of who God is. I am encouraged to look beyond my own struggles and loneliness. I open my heart to hear from the Spirit. I see God in a different way from my own limited viewpoint.
We draw closer to one another as we draw closer to God.
How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down upon the collar of his robes. It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore. Ps 133
Our true unity of spirit can only come from the Spirit of God that dwells within us. Building that spiritual intimacy strengthens the love and commitment already in our marriages. It helps us to seek God TOGETHER which strengthens our bond together.
Are YOU praying your marriage strong? Are YOU taking the time to pray with your husband? Do your marriage a favor, plan for it this week.
Blogs I might be linking to:
Menu Planning Monday, On The Menu Monday, Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Playdates at the Well, Back to School Monday, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Funky Planet Frequent Flier Club, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Legacy Leaver Thursday, What’s Up Wednesday, Raising Homemakers, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Thankful Thursday, Raising Mighty Arrows Thursdays, First Day of My Life , Thankful Thursdays, Thankful, Thankful Thursday Brown-eyed Bell(e), Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Feasting In Fellowship Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end
By Kate, on August 3rd, 2012%
Purchase my e-book “Cut It Out! How I Feed My Family of 10 for $500 a Month Without Coupons“.
 The Divorce by Van De Laar (public domain) I’ve gotten this question numerous times from women in the mail:
How can I make our marriage work if my husband says he doesn’t love me and wants to call it quits?
I’m afraid to say that there is no magic formula to make a husband stay or to make him even want to continue to try and make it work. I am not saying things are hopeless. With God there is ALWAYS hope. It is important, however, that we realize that we cannot simply follow XYZ steps to have things wondrously change. Both the husband and the wife have a free will and can still make whatever choices they have in mind to make.
BUT, since we are not without hope, there are things we can do to 1) beseech the Lord of all creation to intervene and 2) make right and change wherever we have been wrong.
Prayer and Fasting
So I gave my attention to the Lord God to seek Him by prayer and supplications, with fasting, sackcloth and ashes. Dan 9:3
This is a discipline that we seldom avail ourselves of today. But it is a very powerful spiritual tool. Not that it is a magic spell. It is a way for us to lay aside the physical desires (and even needs) to center in with God. It is a time for us to surrender to the heart and mind and will of God. It is a time for us to LISTEN, to LEARN and to OBEY. It is a time for us to pour out the deepest desires of our hearts before our loving Father, to tell our Dad our hurts anxieties and suffering and to let Him heal us.
If you are not setting aside weekly time to fast and pray for your marriage…the time to start is NOW. Remember, this is not a time to give God His “To Do” list of what you want in the marriage or from or for your husband.
- It is a time to come humbly and submissively before God and seek HIS face on where He wants you to go from here.
- It is a time to pray FOR your husband, not ABOUT your husband.
- It is a time to be real with God and to listen for His voice.
Examination
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Ps 139:23-24
“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matt 7:5
The first thing I would suggest is that WE go before the Lord honestly and humbly and ask the Holy Spirit to examine our hearts for sin, selfishness, areas where we have sown discord and bitterness in the hearts of our husbands. Please know I am NOT saying we are always at fault for our husband’s choices. But this IS a marriage, a union of two people. And it is a rare thing that one party is never at fault, never in the wrong, never a contributor to dissension and disharmony in the relationship. We need to find out where OUR fault lies and confess and repent to the Lord. We need to find out where and how God desires change in US and begin to make those changes.
Confession
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Rom 12:18
Then we need to go to our husbands and confess. This is sometimes the hardest thing for us. We are afraid that if we confess we will be giving him ammunition to make a clean break.
It IS our responsibility to make sure that we are being at peace with our husbands by confessing our sins against them. They may or may not forgive us, but that is between them and God. OUR job is to confess and ask for forgiveness. That is between US and God.
Change
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18
Confession is not where it ends. We need to begin to ask the Lord to change us. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve counseled women in the past in this area. It seems that many husbands give very little credence to confession of sin. It is the actual change in behavior that they are looking for. And not just a day long change. They are looking for long term change. So, this part takes time. And strength and reliance on the power of the Spirit working in our hearts.
Trust
I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” Ps 91:2
When push comes to shove, in the final analysis, at the end of the road – it all comes down to this: I WILL TRUST IN THE LORD. Keep your hope and your heart nestled in the bosom of the Almighty. He will guide you, He will protect you and He will walk beside you, no matter what the final outcome is. And in all things, let the joy of the Lord be your strength.
Blogs I might be linking to:
Marital Oneness, The Better Mom, Multitudes on Monday, Hear it On Sunday, Sharing His Bounty, What Joy Is Mine, Domestically Divine Tuesdays, Time Warp Wife, Encourage One Another, Living Well Wednesdays, Raising Homemakers, Thought Provoking Thursday, Hearts 4 Home, Big Family Fridays, Faith Filled Fridays, Home Focused Friday, Homemaking Link-up Week-end, Legacy Leaver Thursday
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